Paige Update

We took Paige to the eye doctor for follow-up today. The report that we got couldn't have been better. She is doing great! I think she is doing better than "Dr. Doom and Gloom" ever thought that she would.

The amplitude of her nystagmus has not gotten any worse, if anything it is better. By the grace of God, they way that it is easiest for her to see is by looking straight ahead, looking to the right does appear to be a challenge but that is way better than the opposite scenario. She does not need glasses right now. She uses both of her eyes equally well. There is no need for surgery. He is not going to see us again for 6 months (the receptionist said "she must be doing really well").

We are so thankful!

Good news abounds

First of all and what this post is all about....we got the results of Paige's MRI and it was normal!!! "Normal appearing brain for age" to be exact. We are so thankful! We see the eye doctor again in 4 weeks and will see what he says. Overall, I am very encouraged. Paige is doing things all the time that make me believe that she can see well right now. She has a GREAT social smile. She watches you walk around the room, she reaches for toys, she reaches for my hand when I am feeding her. All of these have to be good signs. When she tries to focus on objects that are far away her eyes jerk a lot more than if she tries to look at something close. She doesn't seem to have much of a "head tilt", she doesn't hold her head a certain way to make her vision clearer (this would be one of the big things that would make her need surgery). So, we will just keep watching, waiting and praying. Thanks for all the encouragement!

Now some silly things that I am thankful for....

Today is the first official weekend of college football! Love it!! Perhaps the Heels will have a better year, we will see. I just love the football time of year.

Natalie has gone 4 days without pooping in her pants! Now that I have posted, I am sure we will have an accident today. She even went at her "open house" for school on Thursday night. I thought this child would NEVER be potty trained, we will see.

Because Natalie's school is peanut/treenut free there can be no homemade baked goods brought in! Woohoo!! I know you think I am silly but think of the pressure this relieves...no pressure for the perfect, homemade brownies on her birthday or for the million parties throughout the year. Can you hear the sigh of relief? If you bring in fruit/veggies they cut it up for you in the peanut-free kitchen. This is awesome!!

Kim and I went on a date last night. A yummy, yummy dinner. Time shopping for stuff for the house. Time for just us. It was great!

MRI done

Paige had her MRI yesterday. She handled the procedure really well. She was really sleepy last night when we got home and grumpy when she woke-up but seems to be back to herself today. She is such a sweet, sweet girl!!

We stayed with her until the medicine made her really, really sleepy and then we had to leave for the nurse to start her IV and do the procedure. Leaving her was so hard! I don't ever want to have to do that again. I can't decide if being a nurse helps or hurts in those situations. Leaving your baby, not easy!! Kim said that I would never make it if one of our kids had to have major surgery and he is right.

We should get the results in the next couple of days. Waiting, not easy!!

People say

the %*&)&% things.

The other day in Target I was carrying Paige in the sling when I complete stranger thought she needed to make some comments...

Strange Lady: Look at the FAT baby.Do you see that fat baby.How old is he?
Me: SHE is almost five months.
SL: Five months, she ready to walk out of here. What do you feed that baby? You feed that baby from the table don't you?
Me: No mama, I don't.
SL: What do you feed her?
Me: Only my milk.
SL: YOUR milk? Your BREAST milk?
Me: Yes mama.
SL: That baby ready for a hot dog! When you gonna start feeding her from the table?
Me: I am buying cereal today....

Paige is enjoying her solid food.

More thoughts

Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement. We are doing ok.

This all feels so weird. We have this life altering news about our daughter and nothing to do about it. I did do some retail therapy on Amazon buying a fun play mirror and some black and white books, I figure visual stimulation can't hurt.

I just told my mom, I spend about 25% of my day freaking out about the MRI, 25% of my day wondering what in the world the future holds for Paige's sight and 50% of the day ok. My head is still trying to get a grip on what is happening.

I know that God is in control, has a plan and is not surprised by any of this. I am able to find mental rest when I trust Him.

In other news, Natalie is 3 going on 30. When she plays dress-up these days she does not pretend to be a princess, she pretends to be Stephanie, my cousin. You see Stephanie got married in June, Natalie went to the wedding and thought it was to greatest thing ever. So, she is Stephanie (complete with the bride outfit) dancing at her wedding, very cute.

I just got Paige's 4 month pictures back. I hung it on the wall next to Natalie's 4 month picture and it is freakish how much they look alike, freakish!!

Willy Wonka candy was on sale, BOGO at the Food Kitty this week. So, of course I indulged. Why are there banana runts?? Why??

Nystagmus

We visited the pediatric opthomologist today and found out that Paige, hopefully, has congenital nystagmus. I say hopefully because we go for an MRI on the 27th just to be sure that the nystagmus is not coming from a brain tumor. Kim and I and the doctors are all very hopeful that the later is not the case.

During our visit with the opthomologist today her eyes were assessed and some potential causes of the nystagmus were ruled out. The doctor also told us that as of today she does not need glasses but that will probably change in the future.

So, how did we get to today...Kim and I had noticed from an early age that Paige's eyes would drift occasionally and not always track together. I mentioned this at her 2 month check-up in Virginia and the pediatrician assured me that it was nothing to worry about and that it would correct with age. Some time after her 2 month check-up I noticed that her eye's were tracking together again but that sometimes they would twitch back and forth. I just thought it was coming from her eye muscles getting stronger. The twitching appeared to be getting better (I still believe that it is less dramatic than when we first noticed it). At her 4 month check-up, back home, our favorite pediatrician ever, noticed the nystagmus. He recommended that we see the opthomologist to be evaluated.

Until today, I had the hope that I was just imagining things. Until today, I had the hope that this would all just go away. Until today, no one had said to me that "we will decide if she will be mainstreamed for school". Until today, no one had said the to me "she might have to learn braille". What a day.

The Mommie in me instantly started crying, how could this be? Then the Mommie in me instantly wanted to know what I could do to help fix the problem. The answer I received, nothing. We just have to see how things evolve. What do you mean, nothing? Surely there is some therapy that I could be doing with her to help her vision develop as normally as possible but they tell me no.

All I can do is pray. All I can do is pray. Pray that her visual acuity will be the best it can possibly be. Pray that her brain will determine the best way possible to help her see as normally as possible. Pray that children and their parents will not judge her based on her wiggly eyes. Pray that her heart will be protected and prepared for the day when kids are mean to her because she is different. (Pray for the first kid who teases her because of her eyes, that I will not kill them and that they will see the next day, kidding, sort of).

This is the beginning of a long journey. When we were given Natalie's diagnosis (congenital hypothyroidism), we were given a solution and a known path. Give her this pill every day for the rest of her life and she will be FINE. That is not the case for sweet Paige. We do not know what the future will hold. She could be very close to normal, she could be legally blind. She could require eye surgery some day, she could never have to have eye surgery. We just don't know, that feels the hardest right now. From everything that I have read, every case is different.

Please join me in praying for Paige. As I have been thinking today I have been reminded that none of us as parents know what the future holds for our children, we just have a little extra something to worry about, as added element of unknown. Even if Paige didn't have wiggly eyes I am sure that kids would be mean to her but now that seems so much more real. Even if Paige didn't have this who knows what tomorrow holds for us/her. Having a "diagnosis" , a known problem just makes tomorrow seem that much more challenging.

While I was talking to my mom today, I was sitting on the front porch and watched a beautiful butterfly fly through the air from flower to flower. The first thing that came to my head was, I wonder if Paige will ever be able to see that. I hope so. I hope she will be able to see and appreciate the beauty of God's creation. That is my prayer.

Updates...

So, here is what has been happening at our house...

1. I had a wonderful Mother's Day. It started with Natalie's sweet little face peeking at me saying, "Happy Mother's Day, Mommie". Then she said "Let's go make mommie's lunch!" Umm, how about breakfast, I didn't sleep in. Sunday was also one of the first days that Paige started giving lots of smiles. So sweet!
   
2. Natalie's behavior is greatly improved. Early last week I was ready to trade her in on a new model...She has also taken to using the potty again, I am so thankful.


3. Paige has some sort of GI distress happening. We are still trying to find the cause. We are not sure if it is coming from a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance caused by my CRAZY oversupply of milk (we are working on that) or some sort of allergy/sensitivity. She already weighs 12lbs and 10 ounces (gained 4 pounds in 5 1/2 weeks) which goes along with my theory of too much milk on my part. I am also eliminating dairy from my diet to see if that helps. It is really hard to eliminate dairy. That mess is in everything!!
   
4. We are getting really excited about our move.
   
5. Natalie started swim classes.
   

Clarification and sweet picture

So, I am realizing after reading the comments from my supportive and loving friends that my last post made me sound a little too pitiful! I am actually doing well, I think, with the Mommie of two thing. I had several other obligations last week that were keeping me busy but they are done now! I had my last MOPS meeting as the Hospitality coordinator and helped to hostess a baby shower for my dear friend, Sarah. Done!! Now, I can concentrate more on my girls, Natalie's behavior could use some concentrating these past couple of days, getting ready to move and my job.

I am doing well, really, but am also starting to understand that lots of changes in our life is meaning lots of added stress. They are all good changes, the addition of a baby, buying our house, getting out of this townhouse which is feeling smaller by the day, Kim finishing training, Kim starting a new job. We are super-excited about all of these things but they are wearing on us. Deep breath. We will make it.

Here's to more blog entries in the next few weeks, getting some pictures organized and ordered, and throwing some crap out so that is doesn't get moved to the new house. I am giving up on Paige's cross-stitch for the next few months, my new goal will be to complete it by, what should we say, Christmas.

Here is a picture of Paige that I should have taken a week and a half ago when she was 4 weeks old, not 51/2 weeks old. Dang, time FLIES with the second child!! (I am beginning to understand some of the second-child complexes that my brother has...)

Sweet Pea

How can it be that Paige is already 3 1/2 weeks old? I already want to scream for time to stop and let me enjoy these moments a little longer. She is such a sweet, sweet baby. A few observations from her 3 1/2 fast weeks. She is an active and strong little girl. She likes to be where the action is. She is a great sleeper. She makes many of the same strange, goat-like noises that Natalie made. She can go from content to extremely pissed in no time! Not a big fan of diaper changes. She likes to ride in the car. She like to be held and loved on. She is making sweet baby noises. She is much more awake and alert than I remember Natalie being. She is a love!!

Remind me that I said all of these lovely things around 6 tonight when I am trying to get dinner on the table, eat, pay attention to Natalie, clean-up, give Natalie a bath and give her the bedtime routine that she is used to all while Paige acts like a 3 1/2 week old needing lots of love and attention herself. Not my favorite time of day!! Thank goodness Kim will be here on Tuesday to help again. I really don't like the evening shifts!

Sisters

So, let's mark yesterday as Natalie and Paige's first sister interaction. It went something like this...Natalie heard Paige make a fun, happy-baby noise for the first time. She thought it was so funny that her sister made this sound. It made her laugh. Paige heard Natalie laugh and made another cute baby noise. Very sweet! Then Natalie wanted to lay on the floor and be near Paige. Seeing them look at each other and almost interact was amazing. It warmed my heart!!

Poster-Mom for Breastfeeding

This is the title that Paige's doctor gave me today at her two week check-up. Little did he know or maybe he did, that he gave me one of the best compliments.

He was amazed that she weighs 8lbs and 8oz already and that it all came from me. You see, breastfed babies are only supposed to be back to birth weight by two weeks. For Paige that would be 7lbs 6oz. We are overachievers! He said to me, you must be feeding her all the time!! Nope, just every three hours and sometimes she will go longer. He was even more amazed. I told him that I did the same thing with my first child. My conclusion....I make buttermilk!!

Baby smells

A&D ointment
Hand sanitizer
Milk breath
Dreft
I love them all...

Heels

The only Heels I am excited about today....