If I want rest...

I gotta let go.

This was the lesson that I learned yesterday. I slept really bad the night before, I was exhausted before the day even started. I had breakfast with mom, dad, and Natalie and started thinking about plans for the day. Mom and Dad wanted to go into the city and look around, of course, they were willing to take Natalie with them. I kept thinking, sure, I will go. I want to be hospitable. I want to spend time with mom and dad. But, honestly, walking around Washington did not sound like fun to me.

What was the root of me wanting to go with them, my pride. I wanted to be there to be sure that Natalie behaved and that they made her behave. So that if she was good, I looked good and that if she was bad, I would be there to correct her. I wanted to be there to be sure that she was safe. Because, I am the only one who can keep her safe. I wanted to be the great daughter, capable of getting everything done to prepare for the baby, hanging out with them, all the while "resting".

In the shower I had a breakdown. Who am I kidding? What I needed was rest and the way that I was going to get that rest was to let go. My mom and dad are more than capable of caring for Natalie. They already raised 3 kids!! If she wasn't well behaved, well then, they could deal with it and we could work on it. If she had an accident in her panties, then they could clean it up!

It felt good to see them drive away. They had a great time. I got some stuff done and did, indeed, rest!

I hope that I will remember this lesson. Something tells me that I might need to hear it again. I have dreams of Natalie spending lots of time with her grandparents when we move back to NC but for that to happen, I can't be controlling her.

I am sure that she will live if she gets juice with her Happy Meal instead of milk.