Two kinds of days

There appear to be two kinds of days in my life...

Option A: I get lots of things on my To-Do list done.

Option B: I have lots of fun playing with my kids.

If anyone knows how to make these two things come together, that doesn't involve staying up past 10 please let me know. Thanks!

Good news abounds

First of all and what this post is all about....we got the results of Paige's MRI and it was normal!!! "Normal appearing brain for age" to be exact. We are so thankful! We see the eye doctor again in 4 weeks and will see what he says. Overall, I am very encouraged. Paige is doing things all the time that make me believe that she can see well right now. She has a GREAT social smile. She watches you walk around the room, she reaches for toys, she reaches for my hand when I am feeding her. All of these have to be good signs. When she tries to focus on objects that are far away her eyes jerk a lot more than if she tries to look at something close. She doesn't seem to have much of a "head tilt", she doesn't hold her head a certain way to make her vision clearer (this would be one of the big things that would make her need surgery). So, we will just keep watching, waiting and praying. Thanks for all the encouragement!

Now some silly things that I am thankful for....

Today is the first official weekend of college football! Love it!! Perhaps the Heels will have a better year, we will see. I just love the football time of year.

Natalie has gone 4 days without pooping in her pants! Now that I have posted, I am sure we will have an accident today. She even went at her "open house" for school on Thursday night. I thought this child would NEVER be potty trained, we will see.

Because Natalie's school is peanut/treenut free there can be no homemade baked goods brought in! Woohoo!! I know you think I am silly but think of the pressure this relieves...no pressure for the perfect, homemade brownies on her birthday or for the million parties throughout the year. Can you hear the sigh of relief? If you bring in fruit/veggies they cut it up for you in the peanut-free kitchen. This is awesome!!

Kim and I went on a date last night. A yummy, yummy dinner. Time shopping for stuff for the house. Time for just us. It was great!

MRI done

Paige had her MRI yesterday. She handled the procedure really well. She was really sleepy last night when we got home and grumpy when she woke-up but seems to be back to herself today. She is such a sweet, sweet girl!!

We stayed with her until the medicine made her really, really sleepy and then we had to leave for the nurse to start her IV and do the procedure. Leaving her was so hard! I don't ever want to have to do that again. I can't decide if being a nurse helps or hurts in those situations. Leaving your baby, not easy!! Kim said that I would never make it if one of our kids had to have major surgery and he is right.

We should get the results in the next couple of days. Waiting, not easy!!

This was fun.

Thanks roomies for the idea.
Go here if you are looking for an explanation.

People say

the %*&)&% things.

The other day in Target I was carrying Paige in the sling when I complete stranger thought she needed to make some comments...

Strange Lady: Look at the FAT baby.Do you see that fat baby.How old is he?
Me: SHE is almost five months.
SL: Five months, she ready to walk out of here. What do you feed that baby? You feed that baby from the table don't you?
Me: No mama, I don't.
SL: What do you feed her?
Me: Only my milk.
SL: YOUR milk? Your BREAST milk?
Me: Yes mama.
SL: That baby ready for a hot dog! When you gonna start feeding her from the table?
Me: I am buying cereal today....

Paige is enjoying her solid food.

Laughing

Kim and I were giving Natalie and Paige a bath tonight and had one of those moments that I want to remember forever.

Natalie poured a cup of water on Paige and laughed at herself, the next thing I knew Paige was belly laughing at Natalie. It was the cutest thing ever. For the next five minutes they just looked at each other and laughed. Some magical sister magic was happening and I was so thrilled to be there to witness it. I was laughing too, wanting to cry and wanting time to stop.

I kept looking at Kim thinking, can you believe we have been given these two precious gifts? I am so thankful!

More thoughts

Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement. We are doing ok.

This all feels so weird. We have this life altering news about our daughter and nothing to do about it. I did do some retail therapy on Amazon buying a fun play mirror and some black and white books, I figure visual stimulation can't hurt.

I just told my mom, I spend about 25% of my day freaking out about the MRI, 25% of my day wondering what in the world the future holds for Paige's sight and 50% of the day ok. My head is still trying to get a grip on what is happening.

I know that God is in control, has a plan and is not surprised by any of this. I am able to find mental rest when I trust Him.

In other news, Natalie is 3 going on 30. When she plays dress-up these days she does not pretend to be a princess, she pretends to be Stephanie, my cousin. You see Stephanie got married in June, Natalie went to the wedding and thought it was to greatest thing ever. So, she is Stephanie (complete with the bride outfit) dancing at her wedding, very cute.

I just got Paige's 4 month pictures back. I hung it on the wall next to Natalie's 4 month picture and it is freakish how much they look alike, freakish!!

Willy Wonka candy was on sale, BOGO at the Food Kitty this week. So, of course I indulged. Why are there banana runts?? Why??

Nystagmus

We visited the pediatric opthomologist today and found out that Paige, hopefully, has congenital nystagmus. I say hopefully because we go for an MRI on the 27th just to be sure that the nystagmus is not coming from a brain tumor. Kim and I and the doctors are all very hopeful that the later is not the case.

During our visit with the opthomologist today her eyes were assessed and some potential causes of the nystagmus were ruled out. The doctor also told us that as of today she does not need glasses but that will probably change in the future.

So, how did we get to today...Kim and I had noticed from an early age that Paige's eyes would drift occasionally and not always track together. I mentioned this at her 2 month check-up in Virginia and the pediatrician assured me that it was nothing to worry about and that it would correct with age. Some time after her 2 month check-up I noticed that her eye's were tracking together again but that sometimes they would twitch back and forth. I just thought it was coming from her eye muscles getting stronger. The twitching appeared to be getting better (I still believe that it is less dramatic than when we first noticed it). At her 4 month check-up, back home, our favorite pediatrician ever, noticed the nystagmus. He recommended that we see the opthomologist to be evaluated.

Until today, I had the hope that I was just imagining things. Until today, I had the hope that this would all just go away. Until today, no one had said to me that "we will decide if she will be mainstreamed for school". Until today, no one had said the to me "she might have to learn braille". What a day.

The Mommie in me instantly started crying, how could this be? Then the Mommie in me instantly wanted to know what I could do to help fix the problem. The answer I received, nothing. We just have to see how things evolve. What do you mean, nothing? Surely there is some therapy that I could be doing with her to help her vision develop as normally as possible but they tell me no.

All I can do is pray. All I can do is pray. Pray that her visual acuity will be the best it can possibly be. Pray that her brain will determine the best way possible to help her see as normally as possible. Pray that children and their parents will not judge her based on her wiggly eyes. Pray that her heart will be protected and prepared for the day when kids are mean to her because she is different. (Pray for the first kid who teases her because of her eyes, that I will not kill them and that they will see the next day, kidding, sort of).

This is the beginning of a long journey. When we were given Natalie's diagnosis (congenital hypothyroidism), we were given a solution and a known path. Give her this pill every day for the rest of her life and she will be FINE. That is not the case for sweet Paige. We do not know what the future will hold. She could be very close to normal, she could be legally blind. She could require eye surgery some day, she could never have to have eye surgery. We just don't know, that feels the hardest right now. From everything that I have read, every case is different.

Please join me in praying for Paige. As I have been thinking today I have been reminded that none of us as parents know what the future holds for our children, we just have a little extra something to worry about, as added element of unknown. Even if Paige didn't have wiggly eyes I am sure that kids would be mean to her but now that seems so much more real. Even if Paige didn't have this who knows what tomorrow holds for us/her. Having a "diagnosis" , a known problem just makes tomorrow seem that much more challenging.

While I was talking to my mom today, I was sitting on the front porch and watched a beautiful butterfly fly through the air from flower to flower. The first thing that came to my head was, I wonder if Paige will ever be able to see that. I hope so. I hope she will be able to see and appreciate the beauty of God's creation. That is my prayer.

Rambling

I should be doing something to help us be more settled into our house right now but instead I am "trapped" in Paige's room helping her sleep. We are trying to start some sleep training with her helping her sleep on her own, she is a great sleeper at night but her naps leave a little to be desired. Kim's suggested as he walked out the door that we both snuggle up together and take a nap. As lovely as that sounds, that will not solve the long term problem of helping her learn to sleep. I don't like this part of parenting an infant. But, it must be done. With Natalie the process seemed hopeless until it worked. And work it did, she is a GREAT sleeper. As least I have that to look forward to with Paige. So, as I am typing away I am taking lots of breaks to retrieve her passie, etc. Does she not realize that if she would just leave it in her mouth her/my life right now would be a lot easier. When she finally drifts off to sleep she is so peaceful. Is there anything in this world sweeter than a sleeping baby??
So, what else have we been up to? Unpacking lots of boxes!!! Natalie got her big girl bed and we have been decorating her room, the first room that we are "finishing". Next is Paige's room, then their bathroom.
We had a great trip to Florida to visit Dave. 11 hours in the car with the girls but we all survived. We drove with my mom and dad so that made the time in the care more fun! We had several days to play on the beach. Natalie LOVES the beach, loves it! She loves the ocean, doesn't care at all when she has sand all over her little body, loves digging, loves it. We also went to Sea World one day since Dave is only an hour from Orlando. Sea World was, well, an adventure. The low points:

• It was 120 degrees. not really 120, but it was HOT.
• Natalie got sunscreen in her eyes and was a little tired already not a good combo.
• Kim had a migraine, the world's worst place to have a migraine!

The high points:

• The shows were awesome! The dolphin show made my mom cry. Natalie is still doing the Shamu cheer.
• Natalie had a great time, especially after a nap in the stroller. She is probably a bit too young to get the most out of it.
• The Budweiser Hospitality Pavilion.
• My mom had an awesome time, she loves animals. loves them.
• Sea World has roller coasters now, I was not aware and I did not get to ride them but they looked really cool and when we go back, I will.

What else...we have having a great time getting back into life in Winston. I do love it here. This is home. I realized that I don't have ANY pictures of Paige developed. Perhaps I should stop blogging and hop on over to Shutterfly. Or perhaps Paige is finally "sound asleep" and I can leave...

Time with friends, pray answered

Wow, it was a long time ago that I posted this.
One of the perks of being back in Winston is that we get to hang out with the Lenham family again. We had dinner with them last night and I cannot believe how well Claire is doing!! She has been seizure free for 7 weeks. She is so interactive. She wants to be hugged and sit on your lap. She is a sweet, sweet girl and you can tell that she is really trying to communicate with others. What an amazing thing to witness and see. Praise God! Claire and I had a neat relationship when her seizures started. She would see me come through the door and say, "It's Wee!!" She seemed so excited to see me. When we were coming into their house last night she pointed at me with delight in her eyes and it melted my heart. She does point at lots of things these days but to feel like she remember me made me feel great!!
On a selfish note, Jeanne went out of her way to buy me dairy free ice cream Yes, there is such a thing. She is an awesome friend!

Natalie Quote

Natalie: Mommie, may I hold Paige on the boppy?
Me: Sure, that sounds great.
Natalie: I'm not going to feed her.
Me: OK.
Natalie: My num-nums don't have any milk in them.
Me: Nope, they sure don't.
Natalie: We should go to the store and buy some to put them so I can feed Paige.
Me: Well....

What a week

I wish I had better news to report. I don't. Chief is no longer with us, he is with Jesus.

He died at the same moment I was leaving to drive to North Carolina. I had made the decision that if he was alive when it was time for me to leave that I would head south but if he had passed away I would head north. For some reason, he was pushing me South. I had not driven a tenth of a mile and my phone rang. It was my mom. I knew from the tone in her voice that he was gone. At first, I did a u-turn. Then, I did another u-turn. I knew that I had to keep heading south. Natalie would not survive another change in plans, it was getting too late in the day, I just needed to keep driving. Thankfully Natalie had already fallen asleep when I got the call and I could cry as much as I wanted/needed to.

We knew that his death was coming. His body never got strong enough for surgery. They made him a hospice patient on Monday afternoon and told us that he would live about 24-48 hours. He lived about 49 more, he had to fight. He clinged to life until all of my dad's brothers and sisters were there with him. He passed away about a minute after the last one arrived.

I love my Chief. He was a great man. I am going to miss him.

There are still LOTS of boxes to unpack. Unpacking with two children around while you are emotionally and physically exhausted is not easy. Right now I feel like I will be unpacking for the next 10 years!

Some updates

Natalie appears to be on the mend, she still has a low-grade fever but appears to be fine when the Motrin is working.

Chief has decided that he wants to have surgery. I had no idea that he was with it enough to make that decision but evidently he is. I am not surprised. He will not go without a fight, that I am sure of. So, he is getting his chance to fight. They are going to intubate him today to help with his breathing, give him platelets and get him as strong as they can to go to the OR in the morning. Please pray for him.

It's pouring

When it rains, it pours.



I was crying before Kim left for work yesterday morning saying that I didn't want to face the day and that was before I knew everything that the day would have in store. All I knew was that several people would be coming over to say their good-byes and I didn't want to deal with the emotion of that.



Around lunch time my uncle called my dad (mom and dad were here with me to help out and then take Natalie with them while the packers/movers were here). My uncle told my dad that my grandfather was very sick and that they needed to think about heading to NJ. Not good. My grandfather has been in the hospital since late Tuesday because he appeared to have a really bad stomach bug/food poisoning and started having some rectal bleeding. He is 89 years old, has diabetes, not the strongest heart...Yesterday they found out that he appears to have ischemia of the lower intestine, not good. My dad's family is faced with some tough decisions to make, none of which will probably have a good outcome.

Mom and dad were getting ready to leave when Natalie woke up from nap with a fever of 102.2.

I cried a lot yesterday. I am not ready to lose my only remaining grandparent. I love my Chief. Just two weeks ago he walked my cousin down the aisle. None of us are ready for this. I have NO idea how I will get everything done that I was planning on doing with both girls here. But even if I do not, we will make it to NC and sort it out when we get there.

I should be...

• Taking a shower
• Going through closets
• Calling the utility companies
• Working
• Cleaning out the fridge
• Reading a parenting book (Natalie's behavior has been terrible the past few day, TERRIBLE!!)

But I am here blogging. Why? Because it is relaxing me and bringing a little bit of peace to my day.

I am really sad today, really sad. The tears have fallen, lots of them. I know that we will make it through this transition. I am really excited about being back home. But today I am stuck thinking about how much I am going to miss my friend, Sarah.

We have lived life together since I have been here. We see each other nearly everyday. We talk everyday. She is my friend I can talk about anything with, the minor things in life and the major. I know that I have dear friends waiting for me in Winston and that is the only thing getting me through. I can't put into words how much I am going to miss her. She has blessed my life so much.

I am sad for Natalie. I have a feeling her sadness is the root of her TERRIBLE behavior. She and Madeline are best buddies and I know that she will miss her.

Change is hard, not to mention stressful. Stress makes me overly emotional which is not a good combo. Wow, it could be a long week.

Pictures Needed

Yes, I am aware that blog posts are much less interesting without pictures....I will get back to pictures, soon.

Peewee Paddlers

Natalie finished up swim lessons today. I am bummed for her. The way that she improved in just 6 weeks was amazing. The girl is by no means swimming on her own yet but she made great strides and learned to trust herself in the water so much more.

I loved watching her each week and listening to the pride in her voice as she said, "Look at me, Bruce, I did it! I did it!" Or, "you put my belt on and I didn't sink!" I love watching her confidence grow!!

It was good for me too. By the end of the six weeks, I wasn't pacing the pool. Here's to more swimming lessons!!

Father's Day II

Happy Father's Day to the greatest Dads ever!! My hubby and dad.

They both got fabulous t-shirts for the big day. I will have to post a picture of them...

Naps

It happened for the first time today. Both girls napped at the same time for over 2 hours!! Praise God!!
I got lots of work for my job done, woohoo!!
Kim's mom and dad came up this weekend to help us out, i.e. watch the girls so that we could get some stuff done. What a blessing! We were able to get tons done and feel like we might be ready to move in 10 days, wow.
OK, I need to go get some more done.....

Earth to Leigh

So, I stole the title to this post from my dear friend's blog because it seemed so appropriate.

The closing went really well. We had a great time hanging out in our big empty house on air mattresses. We started the weekend with pizza night with our best buddies in town, the Greenes and the Mussers. Since we moved two years ago three children have been added to the mix and we are now a lot of people!!! The girls found a SNAKE in by backyard and for those of you who know me, that didn't go over too well.

My brother, sister-in-law, mom, dad, mother and father-in-law joined in the fun too. Kim had way too much fun mowing the yard and breaking in the new grill. Natalie ran around talking about her "new house" all weekend. On the way back to Virginia she kept saying she didn't want to go to hear "plane house".

We spent last week recovering from the trip and preparing for another big weekend. My cousin, Stephanie, got married at the Jersey Shore and we made the trip up. So much fun! So much family time!! Natalie had a blast! She kept talking about being FANCY!! I wish I felt like I had the space in my life to write about the weekend more, but I don't...

This week we are recovering from another crazy weekend and preparing to move in just 13 days. The movers will be here on the 24th!! Kim had his first official graduation function last night. I am so proud of him! I know that he is amazing and think that he is great but to hear others talk about him makes my heart swell with pride. i am a lucky woman.

I had emotional breakdown number 1 this morning. I feel so overwhelmed!!! I am moving in 13 days! I am nursing a newborn which means not much wine and she won't let me eat chocolate or ice cream either!!! My biggest indulgence is a italian ice, come on people....

Ok, more random thoughts updates to come. I really need to blog about my trip to the grocery store yesterday but there is no time now.